Annual Reunion

Dear members,


I would like to remind all members that our annual trip to Blackpool goes ahead as usual on the weekend of the 3rd, 4th and 5th August this year. Our doorman Foggy Buckley (Ex-Policeman – he was Alf Ventriss in “Heartbeat”), has been employed to sit on the door on each of the 3 nights of the weekend to keep out undesirables. I hereby request all those undesirables who are members, not to come – you know who you are.

Just to remind you that once again we will be filming proceedings so if a camera is pointed at you at any stage please smile! If you´re sat there with a face like a slapped arse you WILL be edited out of the final film. Also there will be NO free buffet, - so you needn´t starve yourselves half to death for up to a week before you arrive (like what you normally do).

Kind Regards,

The Concert Chairman.

Back Home

Well, that's all the camping capers for now. In Blackpool now for the annual reunion of the "Cumberland Ex-Servicemen's Club" - should be a giggle. From now on I'm back blogging on www.benidormclassbceleb.blogspot.com

North Summercotes or somewhere To Mablethorpe

After pitching the tent on a wasps nest at the last place I'm becoming a little weary of the wildlife shearing my living space. From the black beatles that seem to love the inside of my hat, the spider in my oxtail soup today - spit it out yer bastard! the Daddy long legs that live in my shoes and the ants down my pants their all Gods creatures I suppose but I don't want em. Add to the list these tiny black flies that got in my eyes, ears and intimate little crevases today - and buying an ice cream was out of the question. Mind yer, they're probably cleaner than me, with me grubby trousers, me walking top that's full of holes and muddy shoes (I was followed round the aisles by the staff in Costcutter today), I think I've turned into an undesirable as they say.

Anyway, the party ends here for the time being as I'm miles over budget and I'm heading home tomorrow (have to be back in Blackpool for the Cumberland Bar reunion at the weekend), I politely asked the bloke at reception here at the campsite where the train station was - "Skegness" came back the reply. So it looks like another long day - would have walked to Skeggy in normal circumstances but I haven't got a map, and lets face it I'm bad enough WITH one, so that's out of the question.

Harbrough To Cleethorpes

I've never been to Cleethorpes before and I thought it was all rather dandy. Was a bit surprised by it actually, for once it was a gloriously sunny day, I met up with my old pal, ex Pontins sparring partner and full on loon Terry Ferguson, who regaled with tales of his recent holiday in Afghanistan amongst other things. We had Guinness, Caffreys, Worthingtons and fish chips and mushy peas don't yer know. It almost made me forget of the foul mood from earlier when I went to the wrong campsite.

It is now pissing down again as I write this at half 6 in the morning, and am now looking at a 15 mile jaunt to North Summercoates (?).

Hull To Barton-Upon-Humber

Only I could fail to find the fifth largest bridge in the world! - TWICE! - Well, it wasn't that I couldn't find it exactly, it was just that I couldn't find the bit where you actually get on it, then again I'm simply not happy unless I'm walking round in circles for at least an hour a day, so I was fairly well satisfied.

With spot on Sit-Com timing it started to rain as soon as I stepped foot on the bloody thing (as predicted), at first it didn't seem so bad and I simply pulled my green paddy field hat down a notch or two and strode manfully on. Within a minute or two however it was bucketing it down and I hopped about on one leg as I battled with the suddenly strong wind whilst attempting to put my over trousers on with one hand and my cagoule with the other - it crossed my mind at this point that I could end up in the river - and it's one hell of a big un.

As I neared the other side after the best part of 45 minutes bent double against the elements the wind suddenly dropped, the rain ceased and for a few seconds the sun tried to muscle its way through. Mind you mother nature took the piss once more as it bounced it down again just as I'd neatly folded the cagoule back into its little pouch and zipped it up into the rucksack.

As I write, I am tent bound once more and face at least another 15 hours reading, (can't listen to the cricket cos that's rained off an all), staring at maps and counting beatles and spiders.

WISH YOU WERE HERE - Kev.

Ottringham To Hull

That's more like it, I've been arsing about going from place to place and not getting lost for days now for goodness sake- well I was back on form today, I'd been dreading today what with having to negotiate the whole of Hull and all. I had cunningly devised a route bypassing most of the city and sidling along to the east via a scenic route. When I came face to face with a busy dual carriageway and two giant chimneys puffing thick white smoke from their giant gaping mouths it didn't seem so scenic suddenly. In fact I had turned West instead of East and was left with one of those nightmare stumbles along a grass verge to get back on course that I know so well. Actually If I'd have headed straight to the campsite where I'm going tomorrow it would have been decidedly quicker, but it was worth it for being able to stretch out in the bath in my luxourious room here at the Acorn Guest House - it's the first time I've been able to sit upright for a week and I feel strangely guilty about it.

Kilnsea To Ottringham

Went for a little walk this morning (it was still raining) and discovered that there was a pub 50 yards round the corner (after I'd been sheltering in me tent for hors on end!). Mind you I was drying the gear off at the time and could hardly have sat there with a pint of Smiths propped up against the bar in me undercrackers.
It was gloriously sunny when I set off but by the half hour mark I had hailstones bouncing off me head - in July! - what are the odds on that? well, pretty short as it turns out cos it happened again just after I'd pitched the tent and headed off toward the nearest town for provisions. These were even bigger, I felt as though I was being stoned to death and cowered beneath a bush until the cease fire was sounded.
I'm still trying to dry out the shirt from yesterday, cos I'd hung it out to dry just as the second storm broke, it was nearly dry when I set off but now it's like a dish cloth that's just been slung in a bucket of glue, also my one and only pair of trousers are now brown and green (they were creme when I got em from Primark last week).
Having a lovely time. Kev x

Withernsea To Kilnsea

Well hats off to Withernsea Sands campsite for not only being the worst place I've stayed at but also the most expensive (£22 for a patch of grass - paid in advance). Loved the retro toliet block - good to see the old chain flush up and running (would have been nice if somebody had pulled it now and again - why do kids never flush the bloody toilet!?). As I needed to hand my toilet key back to get the deposit back I asked at reception what time they opened - "About 8 O'Clock" I was told. "About 8am meant 9.05am as it turned out and when I delayed my departure for this the receptionist had the temerity to ask if I had slept in!!
After walking for half an hour today the heavens opened - and stayed open, and coupled with the odd lively wind or two the result was utter misery. Got to the site but walked past it (not surprising as it was someones garden), but there was nobody there, - found a little wooden cross with my name on it though (what do they know that I don't?). I am know holed up in the middle of nowhere - and I mean nowhere for approx 18 hours while I dry my gear off.
There's absolutely nothing here - not even trees! and I feel as though I've stumbled upon a horrible new world.
Wish you were here - Kev. x
P.S have just found a "Pot Noodle" so I will live to fight another day!

Aldwick To Withernsea

Spent the best part of 20 miles today being re acqui.anted with me old mate - the grass verge of the B1242. - I'm thinking of inviting it to the Blackpool reunion next month infact.

NATURE WATCH. - Spotted a Stoat/Weasel bounding along the road just outside Tunstall - or maybe it was just a Dach Hound that was a very long way away indeed.

Now pitched on the edge of Withernsea. Bobbed into town earlier and found a "Tescos" - WE EAT!!

Bridlington To Atwick

Well it's great to back, spent most of the day stumbling through thistles and nettles on the verge of the B1242, but I did see a Red Dear flounce across the road just outside Skipsea, though it was a distance away and could have been a Red Setter with no collar I suppose. (And no owner). Once again I am starving hungry due to the fact there is nothing here except a pub - "We don't do food on a monday". So had to make do with a packet of "Nobby's Nuts" washed down with a pint of Sarsons Vinegar masquerading as John Smiths Bitter.

The site its self is plaesant enough, perched as it is on the edge of a cliff, - I pitched my tent by the side of an old machine gun nest left over from the second World War - or at least I think it is. - It could be that there is zero tolerance to noise after midnight here.

Day 11 - Hinderwell to Whitby

The gorilla swanned into town this afternoon as if he'd never been away, as usual I head for a quiet spot (in this case a park) so as to get changed into me "civvies" - it was this act that resulted in me getting hoplessly lost (let's face I'm the world champion) and making what should have been a straight forward 10 mile amble into a 6 hour job. But hey, - I wouldn't have it any other way.

Strangest sight of the day when I came across an elderly chap when I was sitting down overlooking Runswick Bay necking a sly banana, bowling past me in skimpy shorts, blue knee pads and a solitary pick type thing in his hand. I can only think he was about to inch his way down the huge cliff - either that or he was putting shelves up.

It's the first time I've been to Whitby and I have to say I'm impressed, would definately bob back for a weekend sometime. So me and the monkey head back to Blackpool tomorrow for some comfy sleeps and some sustanance, I'm almost to the last notch of me belt, and he's not looking too chipper either.

Day 10 - Redcar to Hinderwell

That was exhilarating stuff - a good 16 miles of terrific scenery, scrambling up steep hills, bumbling through gorse bushes, and getting piss wet through.

It turns out that NONE of my gear is water proof. My "Hi-Tec super watertight walking shoes were water tight for approximately 30 seconds, though my cagoule to be fair to it lasted a full minute - well done! The same goes for my rucksack and cagoule bottoms or whatever you call them.

The camp site is all very civilized mind you, nesting boxes for doves, oak panelling in the wash room, radio 2 piped into the toilet block (I had a slash to Neil Sedaka earlier), and a camp chicken! - When I say a camp chicken I don't mean that it struts about with one claw on its hip, I mean that it seems to belong here.

Anyway, the bloke in the next tent has wind and I am about to climb into a damp sleeping bag (these two statements are entirely un connected).

Day 9 - Thornaby-On-Tees to Redcar

“Oh what a beautiful morning – Oh what a .....” I was really loathed to leave the camp site today, I was up early as usual and took a leisurely walk along the river Tees before breakfast ( seedless grapes and cherries – 2 for £3 from Asda). The sun was beating down again and it was almost hot at 7am, this is an incredible site placed as it is in the middle of the industrial North East, with Middlesbrough to the right and Stockton “You don’t want to go there it’s as rough as f...” On-Tees to the left. Located next to Durham University, it has a charm about it, pleasing on the eye, overrun with semi tame rabbits (as with many sites), and they’ve built one of those white water canoe courses on to the side of the river, in short, well worth a visit.
Anyway, I’m in Redcar now.

Day 8 - Dalton Piercy to Thornaby-On-Tees

This is getting bloody dangerous! After a winding walk through leafy dale and the chocolate box village of Dalton Piercy I was looking at a snarling A19 that looked like the M1 at about 5 O'clock on a friday, I tootled along the central reservation while huge juggernauts whistled past my left shoulder every 5 seconds, whooshing into the distance and blowing my hat off. (I had thought this to be a quiet country road). The gorilla has to be put away in his box on such occasions, for I need to see ALL around me and not just 2 little holes in front of me, as is the case with the mask on. I evntually stoppped at a petrol station for a Mars bar and picked up an A to Z for Durham - can't read these things either - too big a scale - can't see the whole picture.

Arrived here in Thornaby-On-Tees which is a spot on campsite, nice people, clean toilet block and a 24 hour Asda next door - FOOD! - I've been gorging myself all day long. Usually these places are in the middle of nowhere and starvation is always a possibility, many's the time I've been reduced to making a banana last all day and nibbling at the grass.

Day 7 Roker to Dalton Piercy (somewhere near Hartlepool)

Managed to get here, though it took 10 hours, without a map - just had a A to Z with a scale of about 1mm to 1o mile. Aven't a clue how to get to Stockton On Tees tomorrow though.

Day 6 - Whitley Bay to Roker

More like this one please! Got the train across the river Tyne and then a nice easy stretch to Roker, which is on the outskirts of Sunderland and surprisingly nice. Hats off to Tynemouth for also leaving a good impression on me, with its castle, priory and magnificent monument to some local chap (who took place in the battle of Trafalgar and lived to tell the tale). Was glad to leave Whitley Bay in the end, save for “The Fat Ox” pub, it’s all a bit sad really, with rather too many boarded up, and derelict beach front buildings, it looks a bit pitiful to be honest, and is even outshone by South Shields.
I’ve been sat up all night worrying about tomorrow, it’s 22 miles (absolute mimimum), and without a proper map for this part of the journey, I’m probably looking at a disaster here.

Day 5 - Ashington to Whitley Bay

Well, how’s about that then guys and gals! Managed the whole trip of around 15 miles, without walking around in circles, going in the wrong direction for hours on end and staring at the map as if it were a Chinese telephone directory. From Ashington I headed south to Beddlington, east across to Blyth and picked up the coast road down through Seaton Sluice (however you pronounce that) then on to Whitley Bay. The weather was a bit dodgy though and the gorilla had to don his cagoule for an hour or so which was like being sat in a sauna in a duffle coat and wrapped in cling film, - was mightily relieved when the rain ceased a couple of miles from the end. Met up with girlfriend Nikki for a couple of nights R and R, before I head for Roker on Monday.

Day 4 - Lesbury to Ashington

Well, there’s another belter, - I’d written down today’s walk as 13 miles in my little book but somewhere along the line I’d mistaken a 3 for an 8, because this one turned out to be 18 miles. That’s 18 miles minimum, and if I’d have gone down the coast road, you’d have never seen me again. So I had to go directly to Ashington the quickest way which was all the way down the A1068. This meant walking mainly on the grass verge dodging on coming traffic, which was not nice, they simply aren’t designed to be walked on with their thick spongy grass and little pot holes acting as man traps and I stumbled along for mile after mile like a drunken woman in stilettos. The highlight of the day was when I stopped for a banana and to re duct tape me toes.

For the first time I wasn’t panicking about getting lost though so had to amuse myself by talking to no one in particular and singing (my radio packed up 2 days ago).
If you had ever cause to write home, Ashington would not be the cause of it, but the campsite about 2 mile away is excellent, and just as well as I’ve got a day off tomorrow! – might go to Newbiggin-By-The-Sea which is where I should be anyway (I’m about 4 mile from the coast here). Need to do some washing an all – me socks have just had me in a head lock.

Day 3 - Beadnell Bay to Lesbury

After looking at the map I decided that today it would be impossible to get lost as the coast road went all the way to Lesbury, surely even I couldn’t find any woods down there. Anyway, after 10 minutes the path led to the beach and confused the life out of me. I did a detour and ended up down a private road over looking someone’s garden, the somewhat frosty woman put me right and sent me on my way, exactly 10 minutes later I appeared at her garden once more. – What is it with me wanting to walk in circles all the time?! – think I’ll get a check up when I get home as I think that maybe I’ve got one leg longer than the other.
And so another walk that should have been about 4 hours turned out to be 7! – my estimates as to the distances are turning out to be grotesquely inaccurate and the last couple of hours today were pergutory as I battled the blisters incurred after yesterdays fiasco. What I didn’t realize when I planned this was how much more the treading the coastal paths add to journey times, I turn up everywhere late which means I don’t have the strength or the inclination to look round and have a nosey at these places.
The gorilla collected £1:50 in donations today as he came through Craster (another place you’ve never heard of), 3 different couples giving 50p each, add to that the woman from “Brock Mill Farm” giving me a fiver (cos I left before breakfast) and a bacon sarney, and you can see I’m going great guns. Todays comments, - from an elderly chap sat on a wall “Woof Woof” (no, me neither), and a well to do woman who said “We could see you coming towards us and from a distance we thought that maybe you were a Bee Keeper”

Day 2 - Beal To Beadnell Bay

Well that was a laugh, a 16 mile walk that turned out to be a 25 mile mystery tour – and took 9 hours! – but it was a nice day. It was hot alright, and after 10 minutes sweat was pouring off the end of me nose and dripping out of the end of the gorilla mask – via the nostril. From a distance it must have appeared that the old boy was suffering with a heavy cold.
When it appeared that I couldn’t walk along the A1 as originally planned I realized that it was going to be a longer walk than the 16 mile originally planned, I then decided to make the decision to shed the gorilla skin, the distance would now be beyond him, I felt bad about it but there was no way I could carry (or purchase) the water I’d need. He’s a big drinker.
My map reading skills are a joke – though not a very funny one, and I started as I meant to go on by passing the same workmen building a bungalow twice in 45 minutes. I’d actually thought I was getting better but now come to think of it, when I went to the passport office in Liverpool the other day I set off in the opposite direction and ended up in “China Town”. Then, I ended up in thick woodland – for a very long time. As I scrabbled through bracken and bobbed my head up over fences seeking out civilization it struck me that I’d made the right decision about going it alone – the gorilla would probably have ended up with tranquiliser dart up his arse. After about 7 hours I was running low on water and getting a bit edgy I hadn’t seen a single shop since Berwick and the sheer vastness of vegetation becomes un nerving at times like these. When I happened across the village of Bamburgh, the sight of the huge castle gave me a big lift – but not as much as the newsagents across the road – WATER!!! It was only the backpack digging into me aching bones that stopped me from doing a jig around the maypole.